How Should a Pastor’s Wife Dress? {Part 1: the case for modesty}

Interestingly enough, the top “search phrases” that bring people to this site are ministry-related.  One of those key phrases is the question,

How should a pastor’s wife dress?

I grew up in a pastor’s home and I married a pastor… and, honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever even asked myself that question.

Why?  Well, maybe because I thought I already knew.

We all have these preconceived ideas that float around in our heads; subconsciously, we are more or less governed by thoughts we may not even know we have.

Today I want to get this question (and those thoughts) out in the open.  How should a pastor’s wife dress?

image courtesy: Dainty Jewell’s Apparel

How do you think a pastor’s wife should dress?

Your mind probably automatically went to the pastor’s wives you have known over the years.  They are your reference point, so to speak, on the matter.  If a pastor’s wife looks like those role models, then all is well.

Are you getting a picture in your mind?  What does a pastor’s wife “look” like to you?

Today I want to get past that image in our heads and look at what the Word of God has to say about this.  That is the best reference point after all, right?

Do you know what I found?  There is no description of “how a pastor’s wife should dress” in the Bible.  Not specifically, anyway.  It simply isn’t addressed in that context.

That’s doesn’t mean we are off the hook!  No ma’am!

The Bible has plenty to say about how Christian women should live and look, and that applies to you whether your husband is the pastor of your church or whether or not he even goes to church.

A pastor’s wife is not some kind of icon of spirituality and perfection.  She is a woman who, by the nature of her God-given role, is simply a flesh-and-blood example of how Christian womanhood should be lived out by all.

What’s good for the first lady is good for the lady who sits on the pew, right?

 image courtesy: Dainty Jewell’s Apparel

So how should a pastor’s wife (and every Christian woman) dress?

Let’s take a look at Scripture:

1. Clothing is Not the Point.

What?  Clothing is the point of this post, right?  Or, is it?

I Peter chapter three gives us a description of how women should “adorn” (or dress and accessorize) themselves.  In this context, Peter is speaking about women whose husbands are not even believers, and the point is to draw them to Christ by the wife’s character and behavior.

Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;

But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands.”

I Peter 3:3-5

The point of this passage seems to be that Christian women (“holy women”, verse 5) do not rely on outward adorning as the focus of their personal beauty.

Three specific points are mentioned here by Peter:

1. Hair styles

 2. Jewelry

3. Clothing

I can’t think of a list of things that women love more, except maybe chocolate!

Obviously hair styles, jewelry and clothing are not wrong, but they are not the point.

image courtesy: Deborah & Company

A Christian woman’s inner character is the source of her loveliness.

It is the core of her existence. 

Her biggest drawing point (and it draws others to Christ).

And her inner beauty is the only dimension of her beauty that will not fade with time, age, or the revolving fads and fashions.

Her beauty only runs as deep as her soul!

2. Personal Holiness is the Point.

God doesn’t necessarily give us a list of “do’s” and “don’ts” regarding our wardrobe, but the principles of Christianity are pretty clear in Scripture. 

How we apply them is a matter of personal conviction and an expression of worship to God.

The following passage came to mind when I pondering this topic of how a Christian woman (a pastor’s wife, in particular) should dress and conduct herself.

The thrust of this passage in I Thessalonians is Paul’s admonition to believers to stay away from sexual immorality and to “please God”; the way a woman chooses to dress certainly falls into the context of this Scripture:

 For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication:

That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour;

Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God:

 That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified.

For God hath not called us unto uncleanness, but unto holiness.

I Thessalonians 4:3-7

There’s been a huge shift in thinking over the years within the church, and many Christians today believe that God doesn’t care how a woman dresses, since “man looks on the outward appaerance, but God looks at the heart” (I Samuel 16:7).

image courtesy: Deborah & Company

The very phrase “man looks on the outward appearance” is enough to get my attention!

Ladies, men are visual.  God created them that way, and furthermore, He created men to be attracted to a woman’s body.

As a Christian woman (and specifically as a woman in the role of a minister’s wife) I will stand before God for the stewardship of my body.  That stewardship includes how I dress and the whether or not I use my body to cause my brothers in Christ to stumble by way of temptation.

Yes, men are responsible for their personal purity.  But let’s not overlook the instruction from Paul in I Thessalonians not to “go beyond and defraud” anyone.  That word “defraud” simply means to cheat or “over reach”.

Simply stated, immodesty is “over reaching” the boundaries of sexual integrity.  I can do this in my conduct, speech, or in the way I choose to dress.

Personal holiness (sanctification) draws me closer to Christ so that my life draws others toward Him, as well.

Immodesty draws attention to myself, my body, and offers more than I am willing to give.

As my friend Bambi says, modesty is more than rules, but how I choose to dress is a good indication of where my heart is at on this matter.

image courtesy: Deborah & Company

What does this have to do with being a pastor’s wife?

As pastor’s wives, we very much set the pace for the women in our churches.

I believe we have liberty to express our personal tastes and personality in our choice of clothing (we’ll talk more about that tomorrow!). But our calling as Christian women (and pastor’s wives in particular) is to possess our vessels (our bodies) in sanctification and honor.

We need personal convictions, ladies. 

Not peer imposed rules and regulations.

Not culturally approved norms.

Our lives must be governed by spirit-led convictions that start in our soul and express themselves through every facet of our lives.

This is  true holiness, my friends, and it is a beautiful expression of Christian womanhood!

Tomorrow we’ll wrap up this 7 Days of Q&A for Pastor’s Wives series with part two of this post: How Should a Pastor’s Wife Dress? {the case for beauty}.  

This post features beautiful clothing from some of my favorite online sites for modest clothes.  Some links are affiliates links (see my full disclosure).  Thank you for supporting this site and Christian small businesses!

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